Friday, October 12, 2012

Too many thoughts for such a fragile brain

Where to start... this year, though not over, has been one of the hardest of my life. There have been just as many good things in it as well. I must confess, I often get caught up in the whirlwind, wondering how I will survive the current trial or test. A week later I am saying, wow, that wasn't so bad, and the "new" trial seems so much harder. The Lord certainly gives us what we ask for, "Lord, grow me, prepare us for the ministry, let me glorify You!" Wow, if we continually submit, the next thing comes and we continue to grow, but, baby, those growing pains hurt!

Some of the things I have learned this year are:
strengthening relationships, getting things right, confessing sin, forgiving, letting go of hurt, taking a chance, caring for others more than myself, to love my enemy, care for the lost.
How is it my thoughts are SO selfish! Lost in my mind, my own cares, forgetting that others bear heavy burdens too. "Lord, help me to see others like you do!"

There are so many questions that have been going through my mind, and they still are, the Lord has not answered, and I am trying to patiently wait. There are times when the deceiver speaks into my mind and makes me question the goodness of God, that His plan must have gone off course. How silly of me to think God's plan would be my plan :-) Ideally it would match up, but in my humanity, I think my desires and thoughts are what God wants for me. I am more focused on myself than the "big picture".

I am so thankful for the Lord's everlasting love, never ending love, sheltering love. "O, Jesus, help me to see through your eyes! If I did, I would not act the way that I do." What does it take for us to stay in His spirit? Do not forsake your brothers and sisters in Christ( there have been so many words spoken to me from the Lord through another believer) Do not forsake His word( He has given us all we need to follow him. Are we even trying to learn it?) Do not forsake fellowship with Him(worship and prayer connect us to him in a powerful way!) Do not run from rebuke(The Lord is chastening us to make us like Himself, not to hurt us. If we submit we grow, if we rebel we drift away.) They say pride is the root of all sin. I think it must be true. Humility is so crushing, so against who I want to be. God won't use the person who says "my way", He uses the person who says "Your way".

Some books that have been influencing me lately on my spiritual journey:

so good! Wow, my heart is way too wrapped up in stuff!

Wow, I read this book, and felt as free as a bird! Does God really forgive me and love me no matter what I do. That is what I say I believe, but do I live that way? I found myself saying "no"! I only wish I could keep these concept alive in my mind all the time- it totally transformed my life.

I love this guy! What an energized man on a mission! So grateful for his wisdom with finances. We are still in the process, but team Powers is on the way to the finish line! I have learned that some of my thinking about stuff, money, our future, has been wrong, and unbiblical. May the Lord take us to the next step financially as we seek to honor Him in every area of life!

What a great DVD series, if you ever get the chance to go through it, do so! It is so amazing how God has spoken into every area of life! The order and design that He created is self-evident and a reflection of who He is. Our Christianity touches all areas of life!

What are some of the good things: It would take pages... the Lord has blessed us beyond words! From wild geese in the freezer, to yummy food, clothing, workers, healing. We never feel a lack of care from our Father. He has blessed us with wonderful friends committed to His truth. Children who continually make us laugh and wonder. A car that has saved us lots on fuel! Good fellowship with family...

We trust that He will continue to lead us to do His will. To open the door for us to serve Him in a full-time capacity.

I would appreciate your prayers as I seek to follow the Lord.

I want to be a lovely, attentive wife.
A mother who cares more about spending time with her loves, than cleaning her house.
Thinking of others before myself in conversation, becoming a good questioner.
Trusting the Lord's plan for us, that His timing is perfect.
Becoming a better pray-er. For my family, for others, for my church, and nation.
To have a song in my heart. I often let the dark thoughts loom to heavily in my mind.
Living in the grace of Jesus and the work He has done on the cross, and to share that passion with those who do not know it!

1 comment:

Life As A Kaminski said...

Nicely put my sister:) I don't know why I didn't see this when you first posted this...I appreciate you sharing your heart:) I feel like we are in a constant state of change and in constant need to clinging to The Lord. The question is, do we see that need for The Lord, or do we ignore it and fill our lives with superficial things. Thanks for sharing your heart:) Love u